Key Takeaways:
- Only 12% of married Americans reported no stress when asked about their typical holiday season experience, while 88% reported an increased level of stress.
- Managing family dynamics and obligations was the top holiday stressor reported by married Americans (45%).
- 59% compare their relationship to others during the holidays, with 22% feeling negatively impacted.
- 14% of married Americans find themselves questioning the future of their relationship more during the holiday season.
- Couples who regularly skip gift exchanges were least likely to report stronger emotional connections during the holiday season.
- Spouses who rate their partner’s gift-giving as “excellent” report higher levels of intimacy during the holiday season. They are three times more likely to have more sex than those who rate their partner’s gift-giving as “average.”
- 22% of married Americans would consider or plan to seek couples therapy this year to help manage holiday-related tension in their relationship.
As the holiday season approaches, many couples are preparing for a time filled with joy, traditions, and togetherness. But is this festive period also a stress test for marriages? To understand just how much pressure this season places on marriages, we surveyed 1,000 married Americans who celebrate winter holidays.
With January often labeled “Divorce Month” due to the uptick in breakups that follow the holidays, our study explores the challenges couples face that may lead to distancing. From managing family dynamics to the emotional weight of holiday expectations, our findings reveal what truly happens behind the scenes during this festive yet demanding time of year.
Holiday Cheer vs. Holiday Stress
Most married Americans welcome the holiday season with excitement, yet it can also bring a significant level of stress. While some stress is a natural response to the season’s increased commitments, expectations, and shifting social dynamics, here we break down just how much Americans feel its impact during this time.
While 65% of married Americans express excitement as they prepare for the upcoming holiday season, others experience a range of emotions. For 16%, anxiety is the dominant feeling, while another 16% remain neutral, possibly fatigued by the high expectations surrounding the festivities. Others are mixed in their feelings.
Regardless of their dominant emotion, 88% of married Americans report experiencing an increased level of stress during the holiday season. This stress varies in intensity, with 17% describing themselves as very stressed, 12% reporting no stress at all, and the remaining respondents falling somewhere in between.
When analyzing responses by gender, we found that men were 78% more likely than women to report no holiday-related stress, possibly due to societal expectations that often place more holiday planning and responsibilities on women. Moreover, parents were 29% more likely than non-parents to feel very stressed during the holiday season, likely because of the added pressures of creating a memorable experience for their children, managing family traditions, and juggling typically higher holiday expenses.
But how much of this holiday stress comes from external pressures, and how much stems from our closest relationships? Could your partner be contributing to the stress, or perhaps even alleviating it? Here, we delve into how spousal dynamics play a role in shaping the holiday experience.
Nearly two-thirds of respondents reported that their partner contributes to the stress they feel during the holiday season. As our findings show, parents are more likely to experience stress during the holidays, prompting us to further analyze how spouses contribute to stress based on parental status. Among parents with children under 18, one in ten report that their partner makes them very stressed.
In contrast, adults without children are the least likely to experience significant stress from their partner, with only 4% indicating this—half the average rate. Interestingly, the stress levels among non-parents and parents with adult children are similar, suggesting that young children may heighten holiday stress, likely due to partners not equally sharing the responsibilities of childcare and holiday-related tasks.
This is further supported by our earlier finding that men are less likely than women to report holiday-related stress. Traditionally, women often carry the burden of managing the household, taking on the primary role of caring for children, and planning the “holiday magic.” Therefore, the stress spouses contribute may stem from an unequal division of both physical and emotional labor during this demanding season.
Next, we explore the specific challenges couples report facing during the holiday season and examine how these top challenges differ by gender.
Overall, the top challenge for married couples was managing family dynamics and obligations, reported by 45% of respondents. This remains the top stressor even when analyzed by gender. Family gatherings may intensify the pressure on hosts, who feel responsible for ensuring family members enjoy the festivities. Women were more than twice as likely as men to report an “unequal division of holiday tasks” as a significant challenge, suggesting that events like family gatherings may take place with minimal support from spouses.
The holiday season not only brings increased family time, which heightens pressures and expectations for memorable events, but it can also lead to tense interactions, difficult conversations, and disruption of routine and self-care. Additional challenges, such as over-scheduling (18%) and differing social activity preferences (21%), were particularly prominent among men. Men were 47% more likely than women to report “over-scheduling” as a holiday-related challenge, suggesting they may experience higher stress due to limited time for re-centering.
While spouses may attribute some level of stress to their spouse, it’s important to remember that partners are complex individuals, equally capable of offering love and support. In this section, we explore how married Americans feel supported by their partner.
Seventy-nine percent of married Americans say their partner helps them manage stress. This shows that, even though some married Americans attribute part of their holiday stress to their partner, many still receive meaningful support from their spouse, highlighting how moments of stress can coexist with acts of support and care within relationships.
When analyzing partner support for stress management by parental status, 79% of childless Americans reported that their partners were supportive during the holiday season. Among parents, partner support decreased as children grew older: 81% of parents with children under 18 said their partner was supportive, compared to 69% of parents with children 18 and older.
This may be explained by the “empty nest” phase that older parents experience, where couples are adjusting to life without kids at home. This shift can sometimes lead to emotional distancing between spouses as they redefine their relationship, which might reduce the perceived support during stressful periods. In contrast, parents of younger children are typically more involved in day-to-day parenting, which fosters a sense of teamwork and mutual support.
When exploring specific support strategies, emotional support (52%) was the most common method, which includes actions like listening, offering empathy, and providing reassurance. This is followed by assistance with decision-making (43%) and practical help (41%), such as cooking, shopping, and handling other errands.
Comparing Holiday Experiences
Here, we dive into how married Americans navigate the holiday season by examining the impact it has on their relationships, their tendency to compare with others, and how their holiday experiences have shifted after tying the knot.
For 14% of married Americans, the holiday season is a period that prompts them to question the future of their partnership. Notably, those who felt unsupported by their spouse in managing holiday stress were five times more likely to experience these doubts compared to those who felt fully supported.
Additionally, the spirit of the season seems to bring out a natural tendency to compare. Fifty-nine percent of married Americans admit to comparing their relationship to other couples during this time.
While comparison may feel inevitable, it doesn’t mean it must leave an impact on one’s relationship. In fact, the majority of married Americans who fall into comparisons have the ability to remain neutral (38%), indicating that it leaves no impact on their relationship.
Interestingly, 17% find these comparisons beneficial, potentially offering inspiration or a renewed appreciation for their partner. On the other hand, 22% report that these comparisons negatively affect their relationship, perhaps leading to feelings of inadequacy or dissatisfaction.
Moreover, the increased social gatherings during the holiday season may prompt others to compare and highlight perceived pain points in your relationship, especially those who you feel closest to, such as family.
Fifty-one percent of married Americans say they are influenced to some extent by family members’ opinions and expectations about their relationship during the holiday season. Also, 29% report that family gatherings highlight issues and differences in their partnership. This may help explain why some married Americans find themselves questioning their relationship more during this time, as they are exposed to more external input than usual.
Comparisons extend beyond observing other people’s lives; they are often an internal process we engage in when reflecting on our own experiences. Next, we asked married Americans how they compare their holiday satisfaction before and after marriage to explore how these reflections shape their current holiday experiences.
Overall, nearly half of married Americans (49%) report greater holiday satisfaction after marriage. In contrast, 35% feel their holiday experience remains the same, while 17% believe their satisfaction has decreased since tying the knot. The 17% of married Americans whose holiday experiences fall short of expectations may overlap with the various challenges we’ve discussed earlier.
We also analyzed these findings by parental status. Parents with children under 18 reported the highest likelihood to report improved satisfaction since getting married, potentially reflecting the added joy and meaning children bring to the holiday experience.
Wrapped in Emotion
While the holiday season emphasizes values such as family, togetherness, and gratitude, we cannot overlook the significant role gift-giving plays during this time. This led us to explore how gift-giving can strengthen emotional connections and even impact intimacy within relationships.
Only 15% of couples report gift-giving as a challenge during the holiday season, likely overshadowed by more pressing concerns. However, 27% of couples regularly choose to skip exchanging gifts, while 32% have skipped gifts a couple of times. This suggests that, for some couples, skipping gift-giving may be due to conflict, or simply because it didn’t feel right at certain times, with reasons varying depending on the couple.
Though some couples may skip exchanging gifts to reduce pressure, manage responsibilities, or control finances, those who regularly forgo gift-giving were less likely to report stronger connections during the holiday season. Only 17% of these couples reported feeling more connected, compared to 28% of couples who always exchange gifts. Interestingly, 31% of couples who have skipped gift exchanges just a few times were the most likely to report a stronger emotional connection.
This may reflect how partners communicate their priorities and emotional capacities, returning to gift-giving when it feels meaningful. As a love language, gift-giving can demonstrate effort and understanding, which may deepen emotional bonds between partners. This is further supported as spouses who feel very understood by their partner through the gifts they receive are 61% more likely to report stronger emotional connections than those who feel only moderately understood.
When it comes to intimacy, married couples who rate their partner’s gift-giving skill level as “excellent” report higher levels of intimacy during the holiday season. They are three times more likely to have more sex than those who consider their partner’s gift-giving abilities average.
Breaking Up from Holiday-Related Tension
While most couples experience the usual moderate challenges during the holiday season, and some fortunate ones enjoy a smoother time, it’s evident that for others, the holidays don’t quite live up to the picture-perfect ideal. Here, we explore shifting away from holiday-related tension.
More than half of married Americans return to a less stressful partnership dynamic within the first week after the holiday season. However, this still highlights the fact that the holiday season remains a stressful period for many, especially when compared to the 23% of couples who report maintaining stability throughout. This suggests that many couples have room to improve their holiday experience, and for some, changes within the relationship might be the key. In fact, 22% of married Americans are considering or planning to seek couples therapy this year to address holiday-related tension in their relationship.
Rethinking the Holiday Rush
The holiday season is a time to celebrate, create memories, connect with others, reflect, and set new goals. However, many couples still face challenges due to unhealthy family dynamics, financial pressures, and heightened expectations. These stressors can put a strain on relationships, with some even questioning their future together during this time.
Given how quickly the season passes and the high expectations it carries, it’s important to explore this more challenging side. Couples who communicate openly, share responsibilities, and provide emotional support tend to navigate the season more successfully. With proper communication and addressing tension, couples can create more satisfying holiday seasons by finding what works best for them. While the holiday season can test relationships, it also offers an opportunity for couples to strengthen their bond, reflect on shared values, and create lasting memories.
Methodology
Ciancio Ciancio Brown, P.C. surveyed 1,011 married Americans to gather insights into their partnered experiences during the holiday season. Filters were applied to ensure all respondents were married, celebrated winter holidays, and were between the ages of 18 and 78. Demographic breakdowns include:
By gender:
Men: 40%
Women: 59%
Non-binary: 1%
By generation:
Baby Boomers: 9%
Gen X: 32%
Millennials: 55%
Gen Z: 5%
By years married:
Newlyweds (3 years and under): 13%
Early marriage (4 to 9 years): 29%
Mid-marriage (10-19 years): 33%
Long-term marriage (20 years and over): 25%
By parental status:
No children: 19%
Children (youngest child under 18): 64%
Children (youngest child over 18): 17%
By religion:
Christian Catholicism: 32%
Christian Protestantism: 22%
Agnosticism: 17%
Atheism: 13%
Spiritualism: 5%
Judaism: 2%
Other: 9%
Fair Use Statement
You are welcome to use the data and findings from this article for informational and educational purposes. We kindly ask that you provide proper attribution by including a link back to our original findings when sharing or republishing the content.