Colorado’s no-fault divorce laws require divorcing spouses to file on the grounds that the marriage is “irretrievably broken.” Many states have similar grounds, such as “irreconcilable differences.” But how do you know when a marriage takes a turn from the path to happily ever after and begins heading toward irreconcilable differences and divorce? Knowing the common red flags helps alert spouses of impending trouble so they can take the steps to address the problems and repair the relationship, or begin protecting themselves emotionally and financially for a breakup.
Contempt may seem like a harsh word, but it often begins with the loss of emotional connection which slowly grows into contempt. When spouses have a strong emotional bond, they look forward to seeing each other at the end of the day to share their day’s experiences. If one or both spouses lose the desire to share their thoughts and experiences with the other, it’s a significant warning sign. With the loss of that emotional connection, spouses begin to feel more like roommates than a loving married couple. This may slowly or quickly degrade into feelings of irritation toward each other, eventually leading to contempt. Contempt causes bitterness that’s expressed by arguing over little things and then fighting over major issues.
When spouses feel contempt for each other, everything the other spouse says or does causes irritation instead of feelings of warmth and affection. Both spouses begin to suffer from the loss of connection and begin feeling lonely even while together.
It’s normal for the days of feeling like you can’t keep your hands off each other to begin to fade into a less intense intimacy over the years, but happily married spouses still enjoy making love and enjoying physical contact such as cuddling together while watching a movie or giving each other foot rubs and massages.
Intimacy is more than just sex, it is also sharing a bathroom, undressing openly in front of each other, and not thinking twice about sharing fries in a restaurant or sipping from each other’s drinks. Sharing intimate details of daily lives, telling each other deep thoughts, and also sharing careless thoughts without thinking twice, are all signs of intimacy. When spouses stop making love or only do so in a perfunctory manner, other forms of intimacy may also slowly ebb away. In other cases, the loss of emotional intimacy comes first and leads to less lovemaking.
Fighting with a spouse privately is distressing, but when a married couple stops trying to present a united front in public, it’s a definite escalation of marital trouble. Taking little digs against each other during gatherings with friends begins transitioning into outright criticism, complaints, and violation of private conversations by airing grievances about each other within a shared social circle. This process signals the beginning of open warfare against each other with both spouses consciously or unconsciously seeking allies by undermining each other publicly. The final escalation of this becomes openly fighting with each other in public and on social media.
When the above signs of relationship failure become clear, many spouses try to repair their relationship. Married spouses with children are even more likely than those without children to try to reconcile and recover the intimacy and companionship they’ve lost with their spouse. Attempts at reconciliation may involve having date nights, taking trips alone together, or seeing a couples counselor. Often, spouses are able to reignite their relationship and use the new tools they’ve learned to revive their marriage whenever they begin to drift apart; however, if a couple makes several failed repair attempts or begins a cycle of breaking up and reconciling, it’s a typically a sign that the relationship has failed.
When a marriage becomes irretrievably broken, spouses may feel either a complete lack of emotion toward each other or it could go in the other direction with feelings of rage, anger, or hatred. Emotions are more heated when any of the above signs of trouble lead one spouse to cheat or begin a new relationship before separating. If divorce becomes inevitable, it’s time to begin preparing by gathering financial documents, preparing children for the breakup, and hiring divorce attorneys.
Divorce is an emotionally and legally complex process. A skilled divorce attorney defends your rights and best interests while seeking the least contentious solutions to all divorce terms, including child custody, division of marital assets, and spousal support. Call the Denver divorce lawyers at Ciancio Ciancio Brown, P.C. so we can guide you through the legal process while you focus on your emotional well-being.
